Yesterday (December 6, 2008), we had laid Ivan to his final rest. I made it a point to go to the funeral despite the fact that there were some small sacrifices I had to make.
I went there with Shai, Nats, Gem, Mer and Iris. Since most of them had gone to the wake, they explained to me what Ivan’s parents had explained to them regarding the truth about his death.
The mass was held in the St. Michael’s Church within their village. I think it was a mistake that I didn’t bring my sunglasses because I did cry so hard that day.
The choir was just practicing and singing “Hindi Kita Malilimutan” and my eyes were already tearing up. But what really made me cry hard was seeing the contrast between the Ivan inside the white casket and the Ivan on the picture, so alive and so vibrant. It was a very beautiful picture. It was a picture taken by Niccolo Cosme for his One World project. I remember he posted it in his Multiply site. All throughout the mass, Tita Luz, Ivan’s mom, couldn’t let go of the frame. She was hugging it so hard, holding it close to her heart.
It was so painful seeing his family and friends mourn. His family was just two rows in front of us and we could really hear his mother’s sobs.
I couldn’t stop crying during the eulogy. It was so sad to hear the lost of a beautiful person. Ivan had a lot of friends. He gave color to a lot of people’s lives. If we were hurting a lot, I couldn’t imagine how Jujin, his best friend, is feeling right now. Losing Ivan was like losing a part of himself.
I saw two friends from Cendant there, Rej (Sato) and Remjie. They were from Ivan’s other set of friends. We all had the same sentiments, it was so sad that we had to see one another that way. Rej is currently working in Dubai and Rem is working in another company. I haven’t seen these guys for a long time and it so sad that when I hugged them when I saw them the reason wasn’t because I missed them a lot but because we were mourning the lost of a common friend.
Gem said that we’re like schizophrenics. Inside the car, we were laughing because we were remembering the beautiful and fun memories that we shared with Ivan. But during the mass and during the final blessings, we were crying because we do miss him and it hurts knowing we had lost him. We laughed, we cried, we laughed and cried again. It was a crazy morning.
I told them that it feels weird whenever I come across his name when I look at my mobile phone and Yahoo Messenger. It doesn’t feel right to erase him as a contact though I know he’ll never text me nor PM me again. We all decided to keep his name there.
It still hurts and I know I’ll miss him, but I’m glad and grateful to have known him and be a part of his life and he a part of mine. I’ll continue praying for the rest of his soul and justice for his untimely death.
Ivan, I miss you. I love you, my dear friend, and you’ll always be in my heart and prayers.
